Better

Don't things always get better?  They do.  Yesterday we went to the French Market at our church and Maria ran off with her friends, and ended up sleeping at one friend's house who lives super close to church.  So I picked her up this morning before Mass and I said that I had tried to find her the night before because I brought a bag with a toothbrush, a nightgown and clothes and Maria said, don't worry I didn't brush my teeth and I slept in my clothes!  Ha!  She had her first soccer game ever today, she did very well.  I am, as usual, bullish for the future.

Update

Maria is still as bad as ever, and maybe worse.  Mike took off work today because the girls' school has their festival tomorrow and they need to set up today and I had to work so anyway, he spent the day with them.  And they were just terrible.  I talked to him after I was finished teaching EIGHT CLASSES and he sounded more tired and wiped out than I was.  It's so, so so so so SOOOOO depressing and disheartening to take care of them and just get - I mean, it's not that you get nothing in return, it's that they are openly hostile and badly behaved for your trouble.

I got home and Maria asked if she could go to our neighbor's house.  Mike had JUST told her no because she WENT to the neighbor's house and she had to do her homework.  So I reiterated that, I said no, because she is doing homework and Maria started screaming, on and on, SHE IS DONE WITH HER HOMEWORK SHE IS DONE WHY CAN'T I GO WHY WHY WHY AHHHHHH YOU ARE RUINING MY LIFE! This is all done with her writhing around the floor, screaming and yelling and - when we are really lucky - pulling the collar of her shirt.  I am unimpressed and I tell her so, go to your room, I tell her and she screams MORE - SHE IS SCARED OF HER ROOM, AHHHHH THE LIGHT IS OFF (MEANWHILE - IT'S DAYTIME!) SHE CAN'T GO AHHHHHH SCREAM SCREAM SCREAM WRITHE WRITHE.  So I tell her listen - if you keep it up, you are not going to go to soccer practice tonight.  She screams and screams, I go and email her coach and say she is not going to soccer.  I feel awful about it because she is on a team, blah blah blah but TOO BAD.  I tell her I emailed him and she screams MORE.  She IS going to practice, she has a GAME on Sunday, she is going to email him back and say she is going!  I said good for you, good luck getting there, dummy.  I told her that she wasn't going to practice and that was a fact.  I said the next thing I'm going to do is say you can't go to the birthday party you are supposed to tomorrow.  The next thing is that I'm going to say you can't go to the French Market at school tomorrow.  Then I'm going to say you can't go to Chess on Wednesday and then NYO on Thursday.  Go ahead and test me, I said.  She has been quiet since but my GOD.

It's too hard, she is too bad.  Mike said half the time what she was screaming about was that Felicity was upset and screaming about something.  How is it fair to have a three year old being a jerk and so her seven year old sister joins in?  What the hell?

I wish things were different.  I wish she were - better?  Nicer?  Not a screaming lunatic?  I'm sure she is a monster I've created.  My brother Larry told me that I was not a good disciplinarian, and since he's never here to see whether I am or not, I assume my parents told him that.  It's disheartening, too, because I feel like I am doing the best I can.  But I am dealing with a lot of people, and Anthony has his own issues and that changes the way I discipline (or don't).  I think sometimes people who think I am not a good disciplinarian are using code for "she should spank them".  I don't know.  My point is Maria is making my life HORRIBLE.  She is good at school and ... that's it!  And she's not even THAT GOOD in school.  Morale is at an all time low, is what I am saying.