How DO you solve a problem like Maria? We had an exceptionally bad day today. It started fine, in fact, when we got in the car to go to school she asked me, "we were good Mommy? We listened to you?". I said yes and she said "so we can watch the movie?". I've told her that she can't watch a DVD every time we get in the car, just when they've earned it. She does not miss a trick, I'll give her that.
The problem came, as it always does, when I went to get her from school. She always wants to go play outside at the playground and I always let her. But LORD, we stay forever! I count down and say, we're leaving in ten minutes, five minutes, two minutes, etc., but she doesn't care. Finally, her friend Josie was leaving so she deigned to leave but Veronica was not as willing. So Maria is running headlong to the parking lot and Veronica is Prissy-ing her way around the playground. Some nice lady picked Veronica up over the fence for me, because of course I had Felicity, too and I couldn't get to her and she refused to go to the gate. Finally, we got to the parking lot and Maria was SOBBING and CRYING, because I wasn't out there with her. "I by myself! I byyyyyy myseeeeeelf!", she kept crying. I finally got them in the car and she was losing her mind, screaming and screaming. I finally stopped in the middle of the road and said "Maria! Shut your mouth!" and she did. She gets insane and I swear to God, it should be illegal to drive with someone like that screaming at you, it's much worse than texting, it has to be.
She would not stop screaming. I finally said, when we go in the house you are going right to your room, and I took her straight up there, where she proceeded to kick the door and break the hook and eye lock. In the meantime, I was trying to feed the baby, who of course was hungry and tired because we spent so much damned time trying to get off that playground. Maria came in and she was crying and crying, she said, "I can't STOP, Mom! I caaaaaan't stooooop!". I said yes, you can, and I held her hand and breathed deeply to help her get it together. Ooh, I was so mad at her but I sucked it up and pretended I liked her so she could get it together. She stopped crying and of course passed out on the couch in the baby's room so I could feed the baby. AY YI YI.
Tonight Mike went out to the store while I was putting the baby to bed, which of course took forever because she was all jacked up and messed up from not napping this afternoon. I had to go in twice to Maria and Veronica and the first time I went in Veronica was stuck in a pajama top. Maria said "we're not playing, we're not dressing up, we're just trying on different PAJAMAS!". Everything is a negotiation. She must say "yeah, but..." twenty five times a day. I told her if she knocked again and bugged us tonight, we weren't going to go to the library tomorrow but honestly, it's much more of a punishment to me if we stay home. I might anyway, I have to do something to make her behave and not drive me so mad. If it were just me and Maria, or even just me with Maria and Veronica, I could and would have NO problem with dragging them to the car. But because I have Felicity they know that I can't but I am going to figure out a way so that I can carry the baby AND drag them to the car because I have had it. I hate feeling so trapped and like I just do whatever Maria wants.
I keep thinking it will get better, she will get older and better but also, man, I know it has to be soon. Then I think she will get better and Veronica will be the devil and then right behind her will be Felicity and just - I mean - I don't know if I can do it. Tonight when Mike went to the store I told him to look around for some nice lady who looks like she'd want to live here and watch them because I am over it! But he didn't find anyone, he said. I bet he didn't even look!
ABCs of Autism - R
1 week ago