Maria slept all night last night, we didn't hear a peep from her from 7:00 til 7:00, which might be the first time ever. She still had a pretty crappy day, but some day we are going to get it together. Maybe two weeks from tomorrow? In the last one, she is running to Mike, but he didn't like any of the pictures with him so just imagine him there, k?
Here's an exercise that I found online and I am putting it on both their blogs, for posterity's sake.
RULE #1: Admit that One thing you feel awful about involving being a mom. Get it off your shoulders. Once you've written it down, you are NO LONGER allowed to feel bad. It is over with, it is in the past. Remember, you're a good Mom!
This is funny, right? Hmmm. I wonder if I can 'admit' ONE thing that I feel awful about being a Mom. How about EVERYTHING? Ha. I kid.
I feel awful about the way that I talk to and about my kids, but I don't really intend to stop so...I don't know if I can put it in the past. What I should maybe do is when I say some (bad but true) thing about my kids, I should immediately say some (good and also true) thing about my kids. Then at least I will have some balance. I think it is important for me to say the truth about my kids (and other people's kids - ha, kidding), because I can't STAND it when people blather on about how AWESOME it is to be pregnant or to be a MOMMY, but I really don't want to be the kind of person who swears in front of their kids or says mean things to them.
RULE #2: To remind yourself that you ARE a good mom, list SEVEN things you love about your kids, you love doing with your kids, or that your kids love about you. These are the things to remind yourself of EVERY DAY, that you rock!
Why am I even doing this? I hate when women say what good moms they are. "I'm a FABULOUS mother", this one mom I know says, and we all (we know who we are) think "oh shut up, you are NOT". I don't know any fabulous mother that goes around saying how fabulous she is. And I know mostly fabulous mothers! Anyway. I don't think that the following things make me a good mom, I think they just make me a MOTHER.
1. I have a never ending font of love for my kids. I never don't love them and feel like it is my duty to take care of them and make them as happy as possible, both in the moment and in the future.
2. I have a good sense of humor, or I used to. Sometimes I think of my friend Adam, who always says that when something bad is happening, you should try and think what kind of story it will make someday and then just TELL the story to yourself, so that you don't have to waste time worrying about it, just make it funny.
3. I am more patient with my children than I thought I could ever be with anyone. I would never EVER let anyone else get away with .. ugh, everything that they do - hitting me, peeing on me, THROWING UP IN MY MOUTH (Anthony), waking me up, biting me, etc., etc. While I can't say it feels like a feather when Anthony whacks me in the face, or Maria head butts me, I can say that I hardly ever cock my fist back to punch them. Hardly ever! Fabulous mother! :)
4. I stay home with them. It is the worst job I have ever had, for many reasons, but I truly think it's better for them, especially Anthony, so I'm glad I do it.
5. I try and dress them well. I have a lot of help, of course, because our parents and families give us clothes for them, but I try and make them look nice so that if their behavior is not exactly perfect (ha, ha), maybe shallow people will be sold on their looks and we can buy them a little time for their goodness to shine.
6. I married Mike and he is their father. He is the best thing about the whole family, really, as far as being a good Dad, and a good husband. They love him so much and they get so excited to see him when he comes home, it's crazy. He comes home every day for lunch and he comes home right after work and he takes Anthony to school and he just - he is an excellent father (fabulous, even!) and we are all lucky to have him. But they didn't pick him, I did, so I am taking credit. :)
7. I put their needs ahead of mine. Ultimately, I know this is also good for me, but it works for them right now so I will put it in the 'something I do for them' list.
You can see the bruise on her forehead here from Saturday. BOY she is clumsy! I told her today, if she sees, say, a GIANT leg in front of her (mine), STEP OVER IT. Sheesh. She took a five minute nap this afternoon, which I should have bet on. She took a good nap this morning before I dropped her at my parent's house so I could go to the doctor. This always makes for a looooong afternoon, so we'll see!
...with Anthony. My mom stayed with her today while Anthony and I went to OT and my Mom said she did pretty well! She was very pleasant when I got back, which is always nice. I feel like I rarely get to get the hero's welcome that Mike gets every day - a lot of the time when I come back, they are still mad that I was GONE to begin with! So it was nice. She is getting there, maybe? Getting nicer? I hope? Please? :)
Mike has been sick, really sick, and it's been a complete drag for him because it's hard to be sick in this house. Even if your lovely and kind wife lets you lie around, there's still SO much crap going on all the time, it's hard to not be woken up or to feel badly because you can't get up. He's taking Maria up for her nap here, we had been outside playing so hopefully she'll take a good one. Everyone slept late this morning (6:45) but she was up in the night several times. Mike said today, and it's true, even though neither Maria nor Anthony are really actually aware that I am having a baby and that there will soon be a baby living here, they definitely sense something is amiss and they, neither of them, will stay off my leg for one second. It makes me very nervous but I keep thinking about when I was pregnant with Maria and I worried so much and it was all for naught. It's like she's always been here, and none of us can think of life without her. I hope it will be like that with the new baby too. It better be! :)
Ha, these pictures are cracking me up! Maria's in a cute shirt that my Mom got her for summer, there's a little skirt too, but we can't see it. She is having an okay day, despite getting up at 5:00 and having to go back for a nap by 6:30.
She was mad! We are having a VERY hard time here explaining to Anthony that he can't push Maria and Maria is starting to get VERY annoyed with him. He is trying to play with her - he is trying to get her to go and hide so he can jump out at her, but he has NO idea about pressure or how hard he is pushing her. It is very challenging to explain to two people who basically don't speak English how we do things in the world. Lord, Lord.
I put her in this dress today after her nap because it is such a nice day out today. It's one of the ridiculous stash of clothing that I got from Colleen, isn't it cute? Mike thinks she looks like Huck Finn when he dressed up as a girl, though. I guess we think she is so much like Anthony, it's hard for us to get used to a girl in a dress!
I have been reading a lot about this little baby Maddie, who died last week. She had a hard but lovely life, was born premature, and was teensy but beautiful. It makes me feel extremely grateful and also extremely rotten to think about how often I complain about these healthy, lovely, LIVING children of mine to read about a baby like this. I am thinking about Maddie and her parents this week and trying to remind myself how lucky - beyond lucky I am and what a good life I have.
Mike took Maria to the doctor this morning for her 15 Month checkup. She weighs 25 pounds and is 31 inches tall. That's like the 80th percentile for weight and the 80th percentile for height, so she's proportionate anyway. She had just three needles, they wanted to give her her 12 month shots AND her 15 month shots today which would have been .... I can't remember if Mike said five or eight needles. It must have been five? It was just a little while ago that he told me but I can't remember. Anyway, we're delaying the 15 month shots because they couldn't do the 12 month when I took her too early for her appointment? Remember? Who's with me? :) She's up taking a nap so no picture but I'll post one later, maybe, depending on how the day goes.
I wanted to take a picture of her in these clothes - they're from the ones Marita brought and they are SUPER cute but I thought this shot was so cute! It's dark but I'm hoping you can see it. We are off to the grocery store before we go get Anthony so I have to run!
...for real, today. What can one say about Maria Kathleen when she is 15 months old? Hmmm. She is getting big - I am taking her to the doctor next week so we'll see her exact stats then. She is a good sleeper, but an early riser. She goes to sleep by 7:00 most nights and wakes up anywhere from 5:00 to 6:00. A few days last week she slept late - like 8:00 (!) - but that appears to be over. There is no use in leaving her to cry, because she can turn up the volume like you've never heard before and I don't want her to wake up Anthony. We are lucky in that she will sleep through all of his shenanigans, though, so that's good. She is a great walker and a (God help us) great climber. She likes to read books and she likes you to read them to her, but super fast, like Anthony did. She still only has two bottom teeth but we know she is getting some other teeth now because she is chewy as can be and also kind of grumpy, even for her. She loves to put on shoes and socks and jackets and any kind of clothing, really. She loves to go out. She is a happy person, really, but she is just ... extremely opinionated. I know. I know she is just like me and this is my punishment. But as I was telling my sister and our friend Joe the other day, it has taken me 40 years to get this mean, what is her problem that she has gotten this way in 15 short months?
I thought today was the 11th and that she was 15 months so I took her picture. BUT it turns out today is the 10th so rather than waste them, here they are. I hope that by tomorrow, I can think of something nice to say about her for her 15 month picture but it's not looking good today.
She loves Anthony's hat and she is holding his sneaker here, so I imagine she is on her way to find him so she can put that damned shoe on his foot. She HATES an unworn sock or shoe, it is a real pain.